Hello there, sexual partner!
You get priority access to me just like a direct family member does. Â This is because sex is important to me.
If you’re a girlfriend or wife of Â mine, you are welcome to call me directly at +1-773-257-3232. Â As you may already know, I am likely to answer your calls about 33% of the time. Â A text message is likely to be responded to within a few hours, unless you did not respond to my last text. Â Kindly check your text message history and see if you have a message dangling that I sent. Â If so, please respond to that and I will address you in a time frame equal to the delay you valued me with.
If you are not a girlfriend or a wife, a text message at the above number is preferred. Â Unfortunately, I only try to keep 20-25 people saved in my contact list, so calling me will likely be ignored (or worse). Â In the text message, please state your name and what you need. Â Remember that I do not do booty calls, although I would love to see you when my schedule allows.
If you haven’t heard from me in a period of 2 or more months, I am sorry to say this: we have broken up. Â I know it’s difficult to grasp, but it isn’t you, it was completely me. Â I’ve changed, and you stayed the same (or, you’ve changed, and I’ve stayed the same).
If you used to be a girlfriend or wife, or lover or mistress, or fuck buddy or friend with benefits, please visit theÂ Iâ€™m a platonic friend, and we havenâ€™t seen each other in 6 months or more page for contact information.
Other things to note:
- I know you love me, and you should know that I care about you quite a bit!
- Yes, I do know how sexy I am, and yes, you are lucky to Â have me!
- Wow, it’s terrible that you had a bad day at work, but I’m sure it’ll get better soon.
- You know that she always is complaining about something, just ignore her.
- Wow, I can’t believe it’s on sale and it’s that cheap! Â If you can afford it, and you’ll use it, I’m encouraging you to buy it. Â What a deal!
- Nope, I have no idea who that music performer or actor or politician is. Â I’m sure it’s great that they did whatever it is that they did that made you notice them.
Â Applying for Sexual Partner Status
Whoa, you want to bang me! Â Great! Â It’s very validating that someone like you would be interested in a man like me. Â I appreciate the attention.
Chances are, if I was attracted to you, I have already flirted with you and waited for a response. Â If I was denied, I am unfortunately unable to consider our relationship to be anything more than platonic, even if you lost weight, got a boob job, grew your hair out, or suddenly became interested in me. Â I’m sure there are many wonderful guys in your sphere of friends who have wasted many-a-Kleenex dreaming of their chance with you. Â Ask around!
If, by chance, I did not flirt with you before because you were a total cunt, or overweight, or had a manly haircut, or some other strange and unattractive reason, I would recommend that we just get together as platonic friends (have we seen each other in 6 months?Â orÂ have we not seen each other in 6 months?). Â If for some strange reason I find myself desiring an extra sexual partner, and I find myself interested in you, you will know it because I will approach you from a non-platonic angle.