You might’ve received this link from a friend who is concerned — or I might have sent it to you on Facebook or elsewhere — because of something you did that’s annoying. Hopefully if you didn’t get it from me, you got it from a guy and not a gal, because the latter means you might really be a lost cause.
It’s my goal to turn boys into men. By men I mean confident and assured, someone that pisses off the feminists and makes the real women tingle. The problem is, women are really good at picking out tiny little actions that males do that reduces their masculinity below Lady Gaga’s.
What I’ll write below are just examples of these actions — you’ve committed a vile act by actually doing one of these actions, which is why you received this article.
You can put all of these actions below into one big category: acting like a chump, a sissy, a wuss, a pussy, a spineless weak male who has no right to the title of Man.
On we go with the examples…
You recently used an emoticon inappropriately, most likely in response to a female online. Online Communication Maxim #1: Don’t use emoticons. You can use them very rarely when you are sad, such as if your lifelong best pal doggie just died. Otherwise, don’t.
Emoticons used by males are a display of two things: a lack of confidence in the intellect of the person reading what you have to say, or manipulation. If you say something sarcastically, always just assume the reader understands the sarcasm. Putting a smiley at the end of your sarcastic comment only makes you look afraid to offend. Stop it.
On the other hand, emoticons can also be manipulative. It’s my belief that 100% of “nice guys” in the world are manipulative — one of the most sexually denying aspects a male can have when it comes to women. A manipulator thinks that he can get the girl by acting nice until a random instance that her guard is down. This works, but it doesn’t really make sense in terms of time you’ll invest. Don’t pretend to be a nice guy — women see through this manipulation and lose all sexual attraction to a guy. Even worse is if you are in fact a nice guy: you’ll end up a doormat, for the woman you like to scrub her dirty boots on (the same dirty boots that she had up in the air with that douchebag this weekend).
2. Liking posed photos (or worse: commenting on them)
Women post their photo poses on-line so that they don’t have to take the time to actually go out and get railed by a real man. Instead, they put them out there so that their cadre of weak boys will immediately and instantly “Like” the photos, or leave comments like “You’re so pretty” or “Hot” or “Wow, you’re beautiful!” It’s instant gratification — similar to why dating sites exist (so that women can get 500 initiations from losers, to stroke their egos).
If you absolutely, positively must comment on some random floozy’s photo online, only do it when you can point out something that will have the opposite effect on her attention whoring. For example: “Whoa, cropping that photo below your chin really changes how you look.” Don’t be positive nor negative, just make a statement. I’m recommend leaving this to a bare minimum… There’s the old 2/3rds rule: if you do something once, she better do it twice before you do it again. You say “I love you” once, she has to say it twice. You say “I prefer you with longer bangs” on a photo once, she better comment on 2 of your photos before you should do it again.
I prefer to just ignore the attention whoring and focus on good things like events I was invited to, interesting news links, or my friend’s hot younger sisters I should befriend.
3. Excessive responses
She posts a status update or a link or something, you respond instantly. She responds, you respond. It goes on and on and on. Don’t you have more to do with your time? Do you honestly think a woman has ANY interest in a guy who can be on Facebook all day long having a conversation with her? How about taking that half hour you’ve wasted and converting it into her bringing over a bottle of wine to your place instead?
Unless you’re discussing science, politics, religion, etc, leave your responses to one (maybe two in rare circumstances). Say what you need to say and leave it at that — if she puts you on the defensive, ignore her. Women love to be ignored, plus it has the added benefit of increasing the amount of time she spends hating you. All time spent thinking about a guy is GOOD time spent for a woman. The opposite is true for a guy thinking about a gal — if you have that much time to spend, you also have that much time to spend getting her over with that bottle of wine.
If you have to get to a third response in a row, just say “Listen woman, it’s obvious we’re both free right now, bring over a bottle of wine in an hour and let’s discuss it in person.”
4. Being negative
This one should probably be first, because it happens so often. Hating on your job, your college debt, your love life, your health — it has no place in a man’s life because men don’t hate on themselves. Ever.
If your job sucks, quit. If you have college debt, pay it off. If you aren’t getting laid, go and fix that. If you’re sick, lose weight and work out with heavy weights. No one wants to hear about your sulking — that’s strictly a woman’s action that she takes to prove her neediness.
The fact that you felt like you need to post something negative is feminine in nature: you’re attention whoring, and men don’t do that. We get attention naturally from doing fun and exciting things with our free time, versus sitting on Facebook complaining about how the world is out to get us. It’s not. The world is our oyster, go and eat a few dozen.
5. Liking idiotic social pages
Someone must think it’s funny to create all of these pages on Facebook that are a commentary on the human condition. ”I hate it when someone takes the food I mentally claimed” or “It’s funny when I see people liking their own status updates.”
You don’t need to like that stuff, and it makes you look like a fool. Go and unlike all of that stuff, and also unlike all the excessive bands, books, movies and other stuff you’ve spent years liking. Keep a handful of each — it’s better to be mysterious online than give people a complete insight into what a loser you are that you love and cherish all of those people doing something with their lives, versus doing something yourself.
6. Your status online is “Single”.
Too bad you can’t make it say “Lonely” or “Loser”. If you’re single, you’re still seeing a few people, right? They’re just not girlfriend or wife material.
Wait, you’re not seeing anyone? Get off of Facebook and change that.
Women like guys who are taken — it’s a natural response because it’s too much work for them to diagnose if a man is worth their time or not. The act of a woman (or many of them) showing attraction to a guy is enough for a woman to say “This guy has something that others want, so he must be worth my time.” Dump the single relationship status — hide it completely.
7. Using exclamation marks (OR ALL CAPS!!!!!!!)
It’s not cool! Why do you have to raise your voice? It’s idiotic! You’re a man, aren’t you?
Seriously — there’s no need to use all caps or exclamation marks when interacting with women. Use it minimally. Exclamation marks and ALL CAPS are formulated to get attention!!! Men don’t need to get attention because we’re confident in what we say and we don’t need others to validate our opinions. We’re sharing, not inquiring.
8. Coddling Others
If a guy friend of yours online is going through a tough situation, don’t coddle them. If it’s really something serious — losing a relative, that best pal pooch, or a diagnosis with cancer, then be a man and get them out of their home for a cocktail and support. Otherwise, don’t encourage their negativity (see #4 above, and send them this link).
If it’s a gal complaining about something, the last thing you want to do is get involved. She’ll associate her own failure and depression with you — there’s no winning here. Even saying “that sucks” in response is enough to create that subconscious connection. Just avoid it.
Some guys will want to use her depression to their advantage — the so-called Vultures. Don’t be that guy. The Chickens will want to coddle them and hope that their good natured support will turn into a love/sex connection. Untrue, if anything it will just encourage her to LJBF you even worse (“Let’s Just Be Friends”). Avoid a woman’s negativity — you’re about creating a positive environment in all aspects of your life.
If someone you know online is always negative, just give yourself a Nelson “Ha-Haaaa!” and move along.
More to come…
A day doesn’t pass that I don’t want to reach my hand through my monitor and throttle a guy for doing something incredibly lame, something that turns off every woman subconsciously. As I find these things, I’ll update this post. Also, I hope to get some screen shots of the worst candidates (blurring out their faces and names to protect their idiocy) so I can post some examples.
If you see a guy you know (or don’t know) performing one of these actions of violating the Man Platforms, send him this link via private message. Hopefully, he’ll realize his mistake and not do it again.