The Savior versus Saver Complex
Part of the patient saver’s process involves something similar to what a recovering alcoholic goes through in breaking off relationships with people that cause the addict to reconsider sobriety.
Over the past few years, one thing I’ve heard outside of the successes of becoming a saver is how much better relationships are as new savers become seasoned ones and start to establish new boundaries for what they look for in a new partner.
The “savior” complex that a lot of guys (I’m speaking as a guy) suffer in trying to help or save women gets resolved quickly when a guy can judge a new partner based on their own financial stability. Once you commit to your own financial health and future, you start to realize that long term relationships with those in (self-created) financial ruin are not going to happen.
Once you start cutting those people out early, you start to realize that the people you invested so much in trying to “save” were committed to their own self destruction.
After a few years of patiently skipping that coffee or beer or concert and seeing those dollars turn into thousands of dollars, a switch gets flipped as you come to terms with how easy it is for even a person with a low income to become wealthy.
The perspective on saving people becoming concrete: you realize that not only are those people not wanting real help, but their entire lives run contrary to their “sad me” words. Not only do they not actually want help, but any help you offer sets them off on a new path to rebellion.
It’s easy to red flag new potential partners early on when you start hearing them complain about their current situations and they use the same words or phrases you did when you thought the entire world was out to get you and keep you poor and incapable.
Sometimes it can happen on a first date when they let slip that they’re not savers but constant spenders, looking for that next 40% off deal to make them feel better again, and ended up in a position where they can’t pay rent or they “hate their jobs” or whatever excuse they’re verbalizing to shine a beacon on their own inability to patiently find fulfillment in all they do.
As you start your small steps to ever-quickening future wealth, you’re going to have to come to terms with the knowledge that it will burn bridges with those you had something in common with. In a few years (tops), you’ll realize that the only thing you had in common with them was using high reward consumer behaviors to try to temporarily numb the feeling that life is out of control.